mis comunidades

Yesterday, I achieved one of my life goals, something to cross off the bucket list.

I have officially been to all 17 Spanish comunidades autónomas. All 50 States, and now all 17 CCAAs. Go me.

I am in Asturias right now, which is an amazingly incredible beautiful city. I have a decent job that pays me, I have the gym, Body Combat and lifting weights, I have my Catalán classes, I have a decent flat with decent roommates. I've picked myself up and dusted myself off from rock bottom last December. Go me, right?

The thing is...I'm still not content. Madrid is just not for me. I need to be by the sea. And at this point, I'm not sure teaching is for me. I know for a fact teaching primary and infantil is not for me. I still enjoy my classes with the secondary students, but the majority of my classes are with infantil and primary. The one private lesson I give, I am realising that I enjoy more of this type of teaching. It's fun, the students learn more and give me more respect and listen better.

I arrive home exhausted. I haven't had any voice for a week now. I have no energy for anything. I have no time to keep up to date with my shows or finish my current addiction, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I still go to the gym and my clases de catalán, but it's not the best I can be doing. I can be doing a lot better with everything. I just lack the energy.

I certainly do not have the time right now to do the thing that I really feel called to do. That is my writing. I just want to sit down and pour out all these words I have in me into my second and third novels.

This weekend, I have been doing a lot of soul-searching and thinking about what I want my future to look like. If I could design it, it would look something like this.

I want to live in a smaller city close to Barcelona. Madrid just...for lack of a clear word in English, Madrid me agobia. Me agota. Barcelona potentially has the same problem. Valencia was the right size for me, a big city (around 1 million), but it didn't feel it. I know Catalunya and/or Valencia are calling my name.

I want to write. I'm not sure if the master is in my future, but I would love it if my novels sell and I had money to live off that. If I teach, it's going to have to be more private lessons. How do I do this legally so I can have my visa and stuff? I know I need to travel.

I want a boyfriend/husband to share my life and my travels with. And two golden retrievers.

I don't know how to make all this happen. I have my first novel finished. I need some time to do a bit of editing and then figure out how to get it published. If that sold, and I became the next Christopher Rice...that would solve a whole lot of problems.

Dreaming...sometimes, it seems that's all I do.