Linares, España is a unique hamlet located just three hours south of Madrid and two hours north of Granada in the heart of the middle of nowhere in the province of Jaén.
The 60.000 habitants might seem small compared to bustling Andalucian metropolises like Sevilla, Córdoba, Granada and Málaga, but don't let the small size fool you. This town is fully of seedy connections from the mob-owned Italian restaurant to the Porn Palace Zahara which offers the deal of free WiFi for the small price of allowing them to film you having sex and posting it on their web site, fernandosculptsnudespuntocompuntoespuntonet. The women of Linares will do their best not to make you feel at home but to help you understand that YOU ARE A PARIAH and do not belong. The men here will do their best to make you feel creeped out at all times.
Although the last mine here closed in 1993, Linares has a ton of things to see and do like the Gypsy Market every Tuesday and Friday, the Calle de Comercio which features the exact same stores found in every Spanish city, minus all the cool ones, Café Jambalaya where you can have a cup of coffee and browse the Internet while listening to Christmas music in April or the same three Beyonce and Rihanna songs until you understand exactly why Van Gogh cut off his ear, and the NOT-TO-BE-MISSED,TOO-SHOCKING TO BE TRUE ONLY FLAT IN THE EUROPEAN UNION THAT IS UNABLE TO HAVE INTERNET!!! Located on C/ Menéndez Pelayo, also known as C/ Tinte, this flat also boasts features like mold, no heat, a kid next door that screams all night long and a magnificent view of a pool that hasn't been used since the Second Republic. New for summer 2009 is an ant infestation!
Just around the corner is another landmark you can't afford to miss, Il Caffe di Cappricio. This café makes its own coffee and has the worst service in all of Spain. (Have you seen the customer service in Spain? This is quite the feat!) The WiFi here will only work if you repair the connection at least 37 times, and then only for exactly 16 minutes and 37 seconds.
(I kid. Not all the waiters are bad. One is so friendly he'll stop you in the streets to show you his new laptop.)
Still not convinced? Why not accompany 2ºESO students on a field trip to Córdoba so you can see the exciting Media Market electronics store and stand around for an hour doing absolutely nothing?
Linares is a short 3,5 hour bus ride from Madride that allows you the experience of being scared to death as the bus barely creeps up and down the 99% incline. The train will leave you six kilometres from the city.
So why haven't you booked your ticket yet?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment