So this blog really isn't about Spain like how I originally intended. It's becoming more about me and more of a public version of my Livejournal. So be it. At least I'm writing.
As time goes by, I'm becoming more and more aware of what I want out of life. I'm just unsure about how to go about getting it, and I'm scared to death of failure. I'm quite indecisive, and I'm fighting low self-esteem, depression, social anxiety and general anxiety in my attempts to make my life.
First off, I need to spend time writing. Working on my novel and other writings. I waste so much time online doing nothing or planning trips I never take cos I freak out about money. I look at so many places in Madrid that I never write to to move while staying in a flat where I fight with the flatmates constantly 25 minutes from anywhere I want to go, 45 minutes if I catch the trains EXACTLY from where I work. What's going on? What do I want in life?
From now on...I am going to start concentrating on what makes me happy and the life I want. If it's not going to help me in one of my goals, then why bother?
I want a life full of love and friendships. I want a boyfriend, but I don't want a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend. I want to meet The One. Mr. Right. Mi Principe Azul. I tend to meet...gilipollas. Dumbarse arseholes not worth the time or effort. Dumbarses who cause me grief and tears. What's that saying, that the one man worth your tears will never make you cry? I guess I should learn that. I'm not sure where to find him, but I do know I'm ready to settle down with the right guy and build a life together with him.
Is this possible?
I'm a passionate person. I'm passionate about Spain and Spanish. Reading and writing. Amazing cinema. Traveling. I am caring. I have a lot to give underneath this labyrinth of sadness and shyness. Am I destined to be die alone, my body discovered three weeks later half eaten by Alsatians?
I'm also wanting to go back to school for a Master's in "Hispanic studies", "filología española", etc...the trick is...I don't want to go back to the States. I'm slowly but surely investigating universities here in Spain, but the ironic thing is I'm not sure I can truly study the concept of Spanish Identity in Spain. And the plan B of course is teaching Spanish as a career. Again...I want to stay in Spain, so the teaching might have to be English as long as I'm here. At least I know I want to be a teacher/writer.
Travel wise, my goals are all 17 communities of Spain (I know 8), Greece, Morocco or Egypt, Australia and Argentina. There are other places I would like to see, of course, but these are the places foremost on my mind. Why am I nearly going to Germany to a city that I don't even want to see there (I want to see Berlin.) Granted, I'm not going to turn down a travel opportunity that comes my way, but these are what I'm going to concentrate on.
I know with some hard work, the future I want is possible. I'm just scared of failure.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
la mia Roma....
Thursday morning, 28 January, I got up at the all too early of 5.45 to get ready to head to the airport. Now, Ryan Air...the only words for this company is "hijos de puta". I had to go to a different desk to check in since I didn't have baggage. The flight was without any problems, as I read and slept. I arrived at Rome Ciampiano and took the shuttle to Termini. I kept trying to find where I could purchases the Roma Pass which gave me a metro card and discounts (two free entries to places.) I found my way to the hostel (albergue), which was one of the best hostel experiences I've had. The people were really cool and friendly for once, and the main receptionist was awesome and made me speak Italian.
After eating at the first restaurant I found, which was way too expensive, I immediately went to do the two big things I missed my first time in Roma. San Pietro (I was there for Midnight Mass (misa de gallo), but I never looked around, and the Panthenon, which was closing every time I went before. Both were amazing places. I got caught in the rain without my umbrella for the first of several times. If I had my umbrella, it never rained. I went back to the Fontana di Trevi, which I did several times to make the two wishes. It's my favourite place in all of Europe, even if Rome is far from my favourite European city. There's just something magical about this place. My gelatto place was closed, and the hot boy at the pizza place apparently no longer works there.
I ate at another overcharged place before heading back to the albergue, walking past Piazze di Venezia, which is another beautiful piazza. After taking a walk past the gay bar next to the Colosseum but being too scared to go in, I went to bed early to get some sleep since I had been up since 5.45 and walked all day.
Friday I got up and went to Ostia Antica, after a pastry (pasta! Doesn't just mean pasta in italiano) and cappuccino. Ostia Antica was simply amazing. It's an ancient city like Pompeii, only without the volcanic ash. After, I went for a gelato on the beach. It was January, but...when in Rome...do as the Romans!
I got back to Rome, went for a cheap lunch in Travestere after seeing Piramide, and got caught in the rain trying to find my way back to the albergue. Luckily I found a bus from Piazze di Venezia that went toward Manzoni where I was staying. I saw the ruins named "Argentina". I dried up, went to see Piazza di Spagna and go shopping along Via Corso. There was a Zara! Alas...it was only window shopping. If only I had money for all those Dolce and Gabanna, Prada and Giorgio Armani. It was free pasta night at the hostel! I chickened out with the gay bar again though...
Saturday. I didn't want to pay for another night at the hostel, so I checked out. They were nice and let me hang out that evening though. Since the catacombs closed at noon and I slept in until 10...I put that off and went to the Piazze Maggiore, walked a lot...with my umbrella so it wasn't raining, and ate me some yummy gnocchi for lunch. Then I went to Appia Anticia...and the catacombs I wanted to go to were already closed for February, and the other wouldn't let me use my discount so I refused to go to it. I went back to Rome, saw the Circo Massimo again and a rainbow over some of Roma, rambled through Travestere...ate a pizza Margharita...said goodbye to the Trevi Fountain...and then again at 2 am killing time for my 6 am flight. It was so nice being around Spanish people again! It was funny. Every devastatingly beautiful boy I saw, as I walked past him, he was speaking Spanish. I think I saw a gay couple on the plane and then on Friday I saw them at the Trevi Fountain. Hehehe. I got back to Madrid and slept, slept, slept...
After eating at the first restaurant I found, which was way too expensive, I immediately went to do the two big things I missed my first time in Roma. San Pietro (I was there for Midnight Mass (misa de gallo), but I never looked around, and the Panthenon, which was closing every time I went before. Both were amazing places. I got caught in the rain without my umbrella for the first of several times. If I had my umbrella, it never rained. I went back to the Fontana di Trevi, which I did several times to make the two wishes. It's my favourite place in all of Europe, even if Rome is far from my favourite European city. There's just something magical about this place. My gelatto place was closed, and the hot boy at the pizza place apparently no longer works there.
I ate at another overcharged place before heading back to the albergue, walking past Piazze di Venezia, which is another beautiful piazza. After taking a walk past the gay bar next to the Colosseum but being too scared to go in, I went to bed early to get some sleep since I had been up since 5.45 and walked all day.
Friday I got up and went to Ostia Antica, after a pastry (pasta! Doesn't just mean pasta in italiano) and cappuccino. Ostia Antica was simply amazing. It's an ancient city like Pompeii, only without the volcanic ash. After, I went for a gelato on the beach. It was January, but...when in Rome...do as the Romans!
I got back to Rome, went for a cheap lunch in Travestere after seeing Piramide, and got caught in the rain trying to find my way back to the albergue. Luckily I found a bus from Piazze di Venezia that went toward Manzoni where I was staying. I saw the ruins named "Argentina". I dried up, went to see Piazza di Spagna and go shopping along Via Corso. There was a Zara! Alas...it was only window shopping. If only I had money for all those Dolce and Gabanna, Prada and Giorgio Armani. It was free pasta night at the hostel! I chickened out with the gay bar again though...
Saturday. I didn't want to pay for another night at the hostel, so I checked out. They were nice and let me hang out that evening though. Since the catacombs closed at noon and I slept in until 10...I put that off and went to the Piazze Maggiore, walked a lot...with my umbrella so it wasn't raining, and ate me some yummy gnocchi for lunch. Then I went to Appia Anticia...and the catacombs I wanted to go to were already closed for February, and the other wouldn't let me use my discount so I refused to go to it. I went back to Rome, saw the Circo Massimo again and a rainbow over some of Roma, rambled through Travestere...ate a pizza Margharita...said goodbye to the Trevi Fountain...and then again at 2 am killing time for my 6 am flight. It was so nice being around Spanish people again! It was funny. Every devastatingly beautiful boy I saw, as I walked past him, he was speaking Spanish. I think I saw a gay couple on the plane and then on Friday I saw them at the Trevi Fountain. Hehehe. I got back to Madrid and slept, slept, slept...
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