Tuesday, December 31, 2013

el meu final de año wrap up y metas por 2014

1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?: I took a road trip through Spain and drove to all the villages I could. I also moved to the Basque Country.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?: Some, and I always have goals for the new year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?: A few from high school.

4. Did anyone close to you die?: Fallon Fey :'(

5. What countries did you visit?: Catalunya, Greece, Portugal, France, United States, and I moved from Spain to the Basque Country.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?: A social life, and moneyyy.

7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: Nov. 23, (he knows why), July 30th (day I moved to Bilbao)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: Going to Greece.

9. What was your biggest failure?: Gaining weight back. Not much but still. Also not able to come out.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Gastronitis, and a few colds.

11. What was the best thing you bought?: Travels.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Jesús :P

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: Partido Popular, Republicans, Mariah's record label

14. Where did most of your money go?: Travel, café con leche relaxing

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?: Greece, Combat, Bilbao, travelling.

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?: #Beautiful by Mariah Carey

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier
ii. thinner or fatter? 7 kilos fatter
iii. richer or poorer? poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?: Writing

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Procrastinating, being afraid to be who I am

20. How will you be spending Christmas?: I spent Christmas Eve on planes, then Christmas with my mom opening presents.

21. How will you be spending New Years? Eating grapes at 6 PM Eastern Standard Time and packing.

22. Did you fall in love in 2013?: Infatuation :)

23. How many one-night stands?: A few

24. What was your favorite TV program?: True Blood, American Horror Story, Breaking Bad, Nashville, Veep

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: No.

26. What was the best book you read?: The Harry Potter series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?: The Cast of Nashville

28. What did you want and get?: A pending trip to Ireland

29. What did you want and not get?: A trip to Morroco, a Macbook

30. What was your favorite film of this year?: Before Midnight

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: 32, worked and then went to the gym pintxos with J.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: Stability.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?: Pijo casual

34. What kept you sane?: Jordi, my iPod

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: David Villa, Cesc Fàbregas, Mario Casas

36. What political issue stirred you the most?: LA PUTA CRISIS DE MIERDA. RECORTES. Nueva ley de aborto.

37. Who did you miss?: Fallon Fey.

38. Who was the best new person you met?: Jesús.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013: Open your heart, no day but today.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Hermoso, good lord you're hashtag beautiful, yo por ti y tu por mi, lo que me haces sentir, ya no puedo más, vaminos de aquí, ahora sí, perdóname lo siento mucho what? I'm bilingual, you didn't know? -Mariah Carey

Places I slept: Over the Atlantic, Barcelona, Madrid, Burgos, València, Athens, Napfolio, on a train, Lisboa, Lagos (Portugal), Sevilla, Granada, Bilbao, Bordeaux, Vitoria, Donostia-San Sebastián, Lawrenceburg, Columbus. I'm a major slut :P

2013. Another year of travelling, hiking, Combat. A move to Bilbao. A great loss of my golden retriever, Fallon Fey. A new dog, a moody German Shepherd named Tango. I finished the second novel and edited it and the first novel. Two failed crushes, but I'm back in the scene with crush number three that seems to be going somewhere!

I miss my old school, and I like the new school. However, I know this part of my life is soon ending.

Goals accomplished: Finished the novel and edited them. Anxiety is being worked on. I'm not there yet, but I will be. I read a book in catalan, tried Body Pump, completed Couch to 5K, even though I am back to being unable to run 10 centimetres *sigh*, organized iTunes and obtained my B1 certificate in Catalán. I made it to 7/12 provinces I haven't been to. I gave up Starbucks, but then again, Bilbao doesn't have the 'Bucks. Back into films. What goals do I have for 2014?

1. Come out to my mom. It has to be done. Life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.

2. Submit my first two novels for publication, and hopefully get to 75% finished with novel 3.

3. Get back down to 150 pounds or 68Kg and develop muscle.

4. Learn to cook and eat healthily. No sweets except for Mondays, and pintxos only once a week.

5. Snowboard. Again, still haven't done this!

6. Learn to surf and kayak.

7. Develop a social circle.

8. Work toward finding a permanent job and figuring out grad school.

9. Camino de Santiago!

10. Continue working to fight depression and anxiety.

11. Be able to afford a studio and a golden 'triever dog.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

el meu 32 temporada

It's the season premiere of the 32nd season of The Pablo Show. After a 31st season that saw travels to United States, Greece, Portugal and France (plus in-country travels to Barcelona twice, Tarragona, Burgos, Palencia, Ronda, Granada, Sevilla, Huelva, and Cantabria) and a move to the Basque Country capital cosmpolitan centre Bilbao, we're more than excited for the 32nd season. We set down recently with the headwriter to find out what's in store.

EWEspaña: Zorionak 32 eh we're not even trying Basque. Enhorabona de temporada 32! Molt bé fet!

Headwriter: Moltes gràcies!

EWE: Season 31 was mostly a success. Although we were sad to see Pablo leave his job due to the inability of Madrid to have competentant laws that would permit him to continue at the school, we were more than excited to see him leave that horrible city full of rubbish and relaxing cafés con leche to uncharted territory. The Basque Country. Now we are wondering...is Bilbao in Spain?

Headwriter: I cannot answer that question because of the viewers that would boycott us if we say yes or say no. It's as Spanish as Catalunya. Let's just leave it at that!

EWE: Sorry for asking! We were expecting Barcelona, but you never cease to surprise us! We also want to congratulate Pablo for finishing his second novel and picking up the third again. Any plans for publishing?

HW: One of the things we would like to do this season is work toward publishing the first and perhaps the second novel while continuing work on the third. The research is more or less done. Now it's to finish writing it. And find a publisher. Perhaps self-publishing is on the way.

EWE: Every year we ask, when is Pablo going to get a boyfriend? We had a fling that called P. fat and criticized him for pretty much everything, and then an unrequieted crush that ended in disaster. We're glad to see him back out there, but we wonder...when exactly will we be able to see him in a stable relationship?

HW: We're actually in the process of casting that right now. Contract negotions are going well, but we don't want to jinx anything until the t's are crossed and the i's are dotted and the "n's" have a tilde.

EWE: Sounds VERY intruiging. Will you shoot on location this year?

HW: Do they speak Basque in Bilbao? Wait...is the new Pope Catholic? Of course! Spoiler alert: Semana Santa in IRELAND. We are also trying to work out location shoots in Jaca, Barcelona, Valencia, Ibiza, Portugal again, Italia again and our dream is Morocco and Tenerife. So much money matters to work out.

EWE: Although Pablo misses the classroom and his former students, even the brats, he seems to be quite content in the conversation classes and the private lessons he gives. Any other career changes?

HW: I think one of our future storylines will find P. looking more into going back to his journalistic side and starting a travel blog and going that route. I also wouldn't rule out the possiblity of graduate school.

EWE: Very interesting. What about that new Mariah album he was planning on buying?

HW: Blame Island Def Jam and Beyonce's voodoo doll.

EWE: Sport is becoming more and more important in P's life. I hear a rumour he's joining a new gym.

HW: That's right! We have the money to change sets for the gym, and we are looking at going back to Body Pump in addition to a regular Body Combat schedule in the new gym set. Maybe Yoga.

EWE: One of the storylines we've loved this season is that P. finally seems to be getting anxiety and depression monsters (aka Beyonce) under control.

HW: This will be a lifelong process we fear, but things are going much better now than in the past. We also are going to finally tackle the coming out process this season.

EWE: Sounds interesting. Well, we wish you the best. One last thing. I heard P. will finally destroy Sookie Stackhouse next summer. Any chance of this rumour being true?

HW: We're crossing our fingers HBO returns our calls about this very important matter.

EWE: Thank you. Eskerrik asko. Moltes gràcies. Grazie mille. Graças. Obrigado. Muchas gracias.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

el meu Harry Potter

When you think about it, I have a lot in common with Harry Potter.

My father was as cruel as Voldemart and raised me like Vernon raised Harry. He treated me like I was the scum on his shoe.

Instead of a scar on my forehead, I have my homosexuality, which I still wrestle with emotionally and still sometimes feel is a demon haunting me. I know I was born this way, but it still doesn't mean I am always okay with how I was born.

I yearn for a father figure. Unlike Harry, who had traces of a father from Sirius to Arthur Weasley to Dumbledore himself, I never had these traces. Is what little Harry was given better than the nothing I was given?

I'm constantly alone, having to rely on myself to make it through the Dementors. I just don't have a stag protecter I can summon with my happy thoughts.

Most of my teachers treated me like Dumebledore and McGoungall (spelling?) treat Harry. They expected a lot from me, and most of the time I delivered.

I was raised by Muggles, parents who hated Spanish and forbade me to do anything to enrich my learning of this language. Now that I live in Spain, aka Hogwarts, I am constantly reminded that I am a Mudblood, as much as I want to fit in and be Spanish.

Perhaps these were the books I needed at this time in life. I'm sure there are more similiarities, but my sleep-deprived brain can't think of them right now.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

el meu gos...


FALLON FEY 15 MAY 2002-14 AUGUST 2013

Fallon Fey came into my life as a darling little puppy named Ginger who I petset for my pregnant aunt one weekend in July. We instantly bonded. A few months later when the baby came, my aunt couldn't deal with the puppy, and she became mine. My mom took care of her while I was at university, but she was always my dog.

She entered my life at a time I was deeply struggling with my homosexuality and hating myself for being gay (a hate I honestly still carry with me today if I look deep down). We were the best of friends. I took her to Cherokee Park in Louisville and to the Red River Gorge as often as I could. I would always pounce on her, and she was there to lick the tears of my face as I constantly cried due to whatever jerk had broken my heart or whatever jerk had said how horrible homosexuality was or whatever reason.

When I moved to Spain in September 2008, my hardest goodbye was to her. It tore me in two to say goodbye to her. She was my best friend. When I came back at Christmas after 3,5 years without seeing her, she instantly remembered me and bonded with me as if I had never left. I knew when I said goodbye to her, it could be my last goodbye.

She had some cancerous growths on her back that became infected and caused her heart to start giving out. My mom made the decision to put her down before she suffered any more pain. And my mom keeps saying at least my last memories of her will be happy memories and not of the old dog she became in the past month. (The vet in May had an optimistic outlook of another two years.)

My heart is aching for the loss of my dog, one who I had abandoned to pursue this wacky sordid adventure of living in Spain. I wonder if she knew or understand why I left. I had to get out of an unhealthy environment for me.

My heart has been aching for a dog here in Spain for quite some time. Whenever I am out for one of my many strolls and I come across a dog, I have to control myself and not to go up to it and give it a huge hug. When I left Madrid, I had to go back to the chino that lets their golden retriever lie out on the pavement in front of it to say my adéu to it. I just hugged it and held it and felt so alone.

And then just this Sunday, I had a nightmare that there was a cheetah that had made its home in our Ohio house (where Fallon never lived, but what dreams ever make sense? I only dream of the Ohio house and never any of the various places I've lived since and never ever Kentucky.) Fallon was trapped out on the patio and had to cross a hungry cheetah to get back in. After a few tries she made it and we locked the door trapping the hungry cheetah outside. I awoke in a cold sweat worried that something had happened to Fallon.

Three short days later.

Fallon...I will never, ever forget you.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

el meu Agur, Madril! Aupa Bilbo!

I'm officially sipping on my last Starbucks (although honestly I'll probably get one for the road on Tuesday, as it's a road trip staple). Yesterday I went to a park in Vallecas that had spectacular views of Madrid, and I took one last walk around Chueca.

I'm not going to be upset about not getting to go out one last time in Madrid. As I was walking around Chueca, I accepted the realization that I had a few weeks ago. Chueca is not for me. I'm neither a twink nor a bear, neither am I attracted to twinks or bears. So no wonder that place had so much pain for me. It doesn't mean I'm a bad person for not liking those scenes. I do like to go out dancing with friends, but in a big city like Madrid, it's next to impossible to make friends. And I've struggled the entire time I've been here to try to force myself to like something I don't like so I could fit in.

I saw someone who I met my first weekend in Madrid in 2009. Every time I go out, I see him with a completely different pack of friends. I ducked so I didn't have to deal with his fakeness.

I've been told like I'm a Spaniard of the north. I might seem a bit more reserved, a bit more aloof, a bit more "cerrado", but once you get under my exterior, I'm a good person and loyal. Madrid, for the most part, is superficiality and nothing under the surface. Me, I'm all under the surface.

Two years ago, when I moved back to Madrid after a year in Valencia, I had such high hopes of turning things around and applying the awesomeness of Valencia to make Madrid work. And there were some good moments. I made it to Extremadura and Asturias, being the last two autonomous communities I needed to visit. I learned catalán and now have a B1 level (I need a B2 to work there). I finished my second novel. I trained with Dan freaking Cohen at a special Body Combat in November. I recovered from a broken heart, and I am on the road to anxiety and depression recovery. I worked at the most amazing school ever, and I cliché alert learned as much from my students as they hopefully did for me.

My last week in Valencia, when I thought I was leaving for Barcelona to do a master's, my heart was breaking every day. Every time I said goodbye to one of my favourite places, I wanted to cry.

Leaving Madrid does not feel that way at all. I got my tears out of the way my last day of work, as that was really the one thing I had an attachment too. I said goodbye to catalán back in May. All the positives have already been bid adieu to. (Or bid adeu to be more catalán.)

I am excited for a new fresh start in Bilbao. I will most likely be there at least two years, one year for sure. I'm looking forward to learning a new language (Basque/Euskera), continuing with catalán and the gym, developing a group of friends and slaying Anxiety Monster for good (it has the face of Beyonce), and learning how to surf and kayak. I am looking forward to Aste Nagusia, being near the sea, and tons of hiking and breathtaking scenery. I am looking forward to my first winter winter since 1998-1999. (Kentucky and Madrid do not know winter, and every time someone from Valencia started to complain about the "cold", they'd then look at me and say "ufff, lo siento, no es frío como lo conoces, però jo sí tinc fred."

The chapter of Madrid ended on June 21st. July has been a painful postdate (root canal root canal pain pain pain camp from hell.) In less than 48 hours, the Bilbao chapter will begin with an amazing road trip.

Agur Madril, Aupa Bilbo.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

mi Top 10 de Madrid

The top five things of Madrid that were positive for me admist a sea of negativity.

5.

Parque de Oeste. Much nicer than the more famous Retiro, and it has Templo de Debod and views of the mountain sunsets.


4.

La sierra de Madrid. Amazingly beautiful and peaceful.

3.

Catalán Who would think one of the best things about Madrid would be learning catalán?

2.

Fisico, the best gym in Madrid. I pretty much lived there trying to get a tabla de chocolate. Too bad I like napolitanas de chocolate so much which keeps me from getting that tabla de chocolate...

1. My school...wanting to keep this blog away from my school, but it has been an incredibly experience working there, and it will be the thing I miss most in Bilbao, I'm sure...despite all the stress!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

mi Café Farewell Tour 2013

It's been a while since I've updated my public blog, and I figure now that my time in Madrid is coming to an end, it's time I start updating again with some lists.

Three lists I plan on making: The current Farewell Café Tour 2013, List of Places that Had a Positive Influence on my Time in Madrid, and Top 10 List of Things I Am Looking Forward to in Euskadi.

For those of you who didn't know, I was only able to have my job in Madrid for two years due to stupid Madrid law. While I'm excited to get out of Madrid, which is not a fit for me at all, I'm super excited to go to a brand new city (Bilbao) that I love. I think the city will be a fit for me, and I hope my job is as well of a fit as my schools in Valencia and Madrid were.


Some of these cafés I have never been to. Some of them I frequent a lot and wanted to go to one last time. But these are some of the coolest cafes in Madrid.

Sunday, 21 July 2013: Agur, Casa Mono.

Monday, 22 July 2013: Agur, Café Escalón. I'm not really a fan of the recent makeover, but before they had good tostada con tomate with free orange juice.

Tuesday, 23 July 2013: Agur, El Bombo: On the way to the metro for my daily commute and open, it was convenience. I had to go just to get my mayorship back on FourSquare.

To Come: Agurs to Café Mur, my Spanish Common Grounds,

Café do Nuno I JUST FOUND OUT IT CLOSED MAY 31 :( It was my fave bar in Quevedo, when I lived there. A Portuguese bar. I wish I had known it was closing!

Café Mama Inés: A Café near Chueca mentioned in the latest John Irving novel.

Café de la Luz:

and to have café on the terrace of Parque de Oeste
and the top floor of El Corte Inglés in Callao.