el meu Agur, Madril! Aupa Bilbo!

I'm officially sipping on my last Starbucks (although honestly I'll probably get one for the road on Tuesday, as it's a road trip staple). Yesterday I went to a park in Vallecas that had spectacular views of Madrid, and I took one last walk around Chueca.

I'm not going to be upset about not getting to go out one last time in Madrid. As I was walking around Chueca, I accepted the realization that I had a few weeks ago. Chueca is not for me. I'm neither a twink nor a bear, neither am I attracted to twinks or bears. So no wonder that place had so much pain for me. It doesn't mean I'm a bad person for not liking those scenes. I do like to go out dancing with friends, but in a big city like Madrid, it's next to impossible to make friends. And I've struggled the entire time I've been here to try to force myself to like something I don't like so I could fit in.

I saw someone who I met my first weekend in Madrid in 2009. Every time I go out, I see him with a completely different pack of friends. I ducked so I didn't have to deal with his fakeness.

I've been told like I'm a Spaniard of the north. I might seem a bit more reserved, a bit more aloof, a bit more "cerrado", but once you get under my exterior, I'm a good person and loyal. Madrid, for the most part, is superficiality and nothing under the surface. Me, I'm all under the surface.

Two years ago, when I moved back to Madrid after a year in Valencia, I had such high hopes of turning things around and applying the awesomeness of Valencia to make Madrid work. And there were some good moments. I made it to Extremadura and Asturias, being the last two autonomous communities I needed to visit. I learned catalán and now have a B1 level (I need a B2 to work there). I finished my second novel. I trained with Dan freaking Cohen at a special Body Combat in November. I recovered from a broken heart, and I am on the road to anxiety and depression recovery. I worked at the most amazing school ever, and I cliché alert learned as much from my students as they hopefully did for me.

My last week in Valencia, when I thought I was leaving for Barcelona to do a master's, my heart was breaking every day. Every time I said goodbye to one of my favourite places, I wanted to cry.

Leaving Madrid does not feel that way at all. I got my tears out of the way my last day of work, as that was really the one thing I had an attachment too. I said goodbye to catalán back in May. All the positives have already been bid adieu to. (Or bid adeu to be more catalán.)

I am excited for a new fresh start in Bilbao. I will most likely be there at least two years, one year for sure. I'm looking forward to learning a new language (Basque/Euskera), continuing with catalán and the gym, developing a group of friends and slaying Anxiety Monster for good (it has the face of Beyonce), and learning how to surf and kayak. I am looking forward to Aste Nagusia, being near the sea, and tons of hiking and breathtaking scenery. I am looking forward to my first winter winter since 1998-1999. (Kentucky and Madrid do not know winter, and every time someone from Valencia started to complain about the "cold", they'd then look at me and say "ufff, lo siento, no es frío como lo conoces, però jo sí tinc fred."

The chapter of Madrid ended on June 21st. July has been a painful postdate (root canal root canal pain pain pain camp from hell.) In less than 48 hours, the Bilbao chapter will begin with an amazing road trip.

Agur Madril, Aupa Bilbo.