mi

At what point do you just give up? Throw in the towel? Admit defeat?

It's Friday night. Couples are walking around hand in hand. Friends are chatting over beers or tastier beverages (I hate beer). And I'm here in my room, alone, reeling from today's events.

Friday nights in my room alone playing Bejeweled Blitz and watching movies I downloaded is the norm. Because of how much of an effort it takes for me to make friends and meet people. Sometimes I do go out alone, sit in the corner sipping on a whiskey cola (drink of the moment because the guy I used to like drinks it) watching people but too damn shy to talk to anyone. I leave alone, of course. I'm shy. I'm introverted. I'm used to it.

Today I met up with a friend I had chatted with online. Five minutes later, he got up, told me he was bored and was leaving, good luck, I'll probably eventually will meet friends but I'm too shy and he's leaving. Left me there sitting alone, just walked off. "Me marcho". Not even adios, hasta luego, nada.

I try my best to be sociable and friendly, but I honestly don't know how. I'm introvertido...introverted. So it takes a while. But this is the second time something like this has happened in the month I've lived in Valencia. What gives? At least madrileños have the decency to wait until they get home to delete you from their messenger and never speak to you again without telling you how much you suck.

I am forced to remember how alone I was in Madrid. How things were just starting to come together when I hightailed it out of there. Then my last night there when I had no one to go out with, and how I was utterly alone. Now it's just a distant memory.

I am really sick and tired of being alone. I feel so alone and isolated. I keep trying to change, and failing. I'm scared I'm doomed to being this way the rest of my life. I'm already 28...