mis cambios

Want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans." -Amores perros

What a summer it has been. My laptop died, summer camp was so hectic and felt like a prison more than a camp, I didn't get the grant to study in Barcelona. But then I was offered a job in Madrid at the same time...a step up from the one I had but more or less the same.


It seems fate has decided that I have to face my demons of Madrid, and of that, there are plenty. I am having problems finding a place to live as I am worried about another situation like the one of two years ago. I am continuously haunted by that unrequieted love I thought I had long moved past. I am wanting to fall in love and meet someone, yet am tempted by the promiscuous behaviour that plagued me the last time in Madrid. I am armed with the job to keep me busy, the gym which I will join as soon as I find a flat, catalan classes and energy to work on my novel...I am planning on beating depression and low self-esteem for good. And save up money so the máster in Barcelona will become reality.

For some reason, I think destiny will have me ending up in Catalunya. I just feel...I don't know. It just seems to be calling me. It was in Barcelona where I decided I had to come to Spain to live way back in 2003. However, everyone warned me about the catalans, how evil they were. And I believed the lie until 2009 when I went to Barcelona with my friend Ashley, and I completely fell in love with the city again. I feel at one with the sea and with the catalan culture and language. M'agrada molt el català (i el valencià...és ho mateix!) I can't explain it. I just feel called to there.

However, I obviously have to work on all the unfinished issues I have in Madrid. Things will be different this time around. I already have found a group of cristianos gays that I have started going to. I'm trying to be more social and go out more. I'm trying to find this perfect flat with decent flatmates in Chamberi. I want this to be a kickass year.

Before leaving Valencia in June, I met this beautiful, amazing guy...who I shall call Andaluz Mosby. He was intelligent and a nomad like me, always travelling, wanting to see and experience new things. It was doomed from the start because we were both leaving Valencia. However, he got my hopes up and showed me that there is a possibility of having a connection with someone. I know I worry that I'm never going to meet anyone, and I am quite obsessed with the fact that I will turn 30 in December and still have never had a boyfriend...but...surely there is some guy out there, right?

The camp this year...while there was fun had, it was just too much. 200 kids, a month long in a place that felt like prison, not really able to leave the site because of stupid Castilla La Mancha laws...I became a vegetarian for two weeks, and they sort of forgot to include protien in the vegetarian meals. No, not like it's important or anything. So on top of all the stress, I was extra tired from no protein.

I think if I keep in mind who I am and what I want, I can make this year into the best yet and totally forget about the badness and toxicity of 2009-2010. Or at least, that's what I hope.

Maybe this time I'll even find the bar where all the vampires are hiding? :)