mis propositos

As many of you might remember, I don't do resolutions. I do goals. So I share with you, my 2010 goals.

1. Get healthy. I'm giving up pop, Starbucks, junk food. I'm going to find a gym and start working out. Hopefully by eating better, I'll feel better too.

2. Come out to my mom. I say this every year, and every year I say it's time. So maybe this will be the year.

3. Beat this depression. Be happier. Enough said.

4. Stay in Spain.

5. Find a boyfriend. I'm really ready to settle down with someone. I just want it to be the right someone.

6. I have 9 communities left. I want to knock as many of them off this year as possible!

7. Write an hour a day. Whether it's here in LJ, my public blog, a blog I sort of want to create for a Spanish "ON the Road" or my novel, I need to get back into writing big time.

8. Work on getting my first novel edited and PUBLISHED.

9. Go snowboarding, FINALLY. La sierra está muy cerca a Madrid.

10. Continue with the classics. Try to read all of Shakespeare's plays, more Dickens and Hemingway...and...tackle...Don Quijote for real. Not the skimming bullshit I did in 2008.

11. Never, ever step food into Escape or OHM again!

12. To quote Alanis, I'll be a friend to those who know how to be friends. That means...if you don't act like you care, or treat me bad in anyway, you're not a friend.

13. Perhaps it should be #1, but...I need to get back on track with God. :-/ Last year, I wanted to read the Bible in a year. I stopped in May. Maybe I should try it this year? I just don't know what I believe any more.

14. Write a Mariah lyric on Nick's wall at least three times a week to celebrate her 40th anniversary this year.

Top 100 of 2009

1 Poker Face Lady Gaga 175
2 Kids MGMT 122
3 Love Show Sonohra 121
4 Obsessed Mariah Carey 119
5 Broken Strings James Morrison f.Nelly Furtado 118
6 Forgive Me Leona Lewis 111
7 The World We Live In The Killers 104
8 A Dustland Fairytale The Killers 103
8 Bad Things Jace Everett 103
10 Losing Touch The Killers 101
11 Crush David Archuleta 94
11 Mr. Brightside The Killers 94
11 Side Effects Mariah Carey f. Young Jeezy 94
11 Touch My Hand David Archuleta 94
15 Broken Lifehouse 91
16 If You Seek Amy Britney Spears 90
17 Just Dance Lady GaGa f. Colby Odonis 89
18 Not As We Alanis Morissette 88
19 Love Will Never Do Without You Janet Jackson 87
20 Right to Dream Mariah Carey 86
21 I Wish You Well Mariah Carey 85
22 My Sweet Escape Run Kid Run 84
23 What You Want Caedmon's Call 81
24 I Want to Know What Love Is Mariah Carey 80
24 Paparazzi Lady GaGa 80
26 Touch My Body Mariah Carey 79
27 Lovegame Lady GaGa 78
28 Close My Eyes Robbie Williams 76
29 This Is Your Life The Killers 69
30 Bad Romance Lady GaGa 67
30 Calabria Enur f. Natasha 67
30 H.A.T.E.U Mariah Carey 67
30 Incomplete Alanis Morissette 67
34 Right Round Flo Rida 66
35 Dance Caedmon's Call 65
35 Give It 2 Me Madonna 65
37 Manos al aire Nelly Furtado 64
38 Bleeding Love Leona Lewis 62
38 Goodnight, Travel Well The Killers 62
38 Shake It Metrostation 62
41 At the Bottom Brand New 61
41 I Know You Want Me Pitbull 61
41 Jesus Christ Brand New 61
44 Whatever It Takes Lifehouse 60
45 Don't Trust Me 30H3! 58
45 When You Say Nothing at All Ronan Keating/Paulina Rubio 58
47 Amazing Kanye West f. Young Jeezy 57
47 Tennessee New Found Glory 57
49 Calle ilusión Alex Ubago 56
49 Human The Killers 56
51 Am I Wrong Brand New 55
51 Migrate Mariah Carey f. T-Pain 55
53 Beautiful Eminem 54
53 Sunday Tick Tick Boom 54
55 Getting Into You Relient K 53
55 Gives You Hell The All-American Rejects 53
57 Ballad of San Francisco Caedmon's Call 52
57 In My Arms Kylie Minogue 52
59 Kissing You Desree 51
59 My Love The Dream f. Mariah Carey 51
59 ¿Viva la Gloria? (Little Girl) Green Day 51
59 Why Now Wynonna 51
63 Breathe Me Sia 50
63 If You Should Ever Be Lonely Mariah Carey 50
63 Let's Dance Hawk Nelson 50
63 Mona Lisa (When the World Comes Down) The All-American Rejects 50
63 Y yo sigo aquí Paulina Rubio 50
68 I Wanna Dance with Somebody Whitney Houston 49
68 Love Lockdown Kanye West 49
70 I Am Understood? Relient K 48
70 Like a Drug Kylie Minogue 48
70 Please Don't Leave Me Pink 48
70 Seventeen Forever Metrostation 48
74 Defying Gravity Wicked 47
74 If You Leave Nada Surf 47
74 Piensa gay Lorena C 47
74 Wonderwall Cartel 47
78 Besos faciles Sonohra 46
78 Up Out of My Face Mariah Carey 46
80 Kelsey Metrostation 45
80 Shadow of the Day Linkin Park 45
80 Speakerphone Kylie Minogue 45
83 All I Want for Christmas Is You Mariah Carey 44
83 Boys Boys Boys Lady GaGa 44
83 Free Style Over the Shook Ones Mariah Carey f. Mobb Deep 44
83 Gotta Go My Own Way High School Musical 2 44
83 Nothing Fails Madonna 44
83 Tapes Alanis Morissette 44
89 Both Sides Now Joni Mitchell 43
90 Another Heart Calls The All-American Rejects 42
90 Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) Lady GaGa 42
90 Get'cha Head in the Game High School Musical 42
90 Johnny Can't Decide Tick Tick Boom 42
90 So What P!nk 42
90 Torch Alanis Morissette 42
96 Amarrado a ti Alex Ubago 41
96 Brave Idina Menzel 41
96 California Phantom Planet 41
96 Christmas Tree Lady GaGa 41
96 Love's Funny that Way Wynonna 41
96 Run Leona Lewis 41
96 Sigo aquí Alex Ubago 41
96 Sober P!nk 41
96 The Roof Mariah Carey 41
96 The 80's Robbie Williams 41
96 Trouble Is Jars of Clay 41
96 Uprising Muse 41
96 We're Running Out of Time LeAnn Rimes 41

Best in Movies, 2000s

Best in Movies

#1. Moulin Rouge! (Baz Luhrmann)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDw1_yV6ufM

#2. RENT (Christopher Columbus)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzOVfCUGZeM

#3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Michele Gondry/Charlie Kauffman)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GiLxkDK8sI

#4. Vanilla Sky (Cameron Crowe)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n15hSt5pu4 (SPOILER ALERT)

#5. La mala educación (Pedro Almodóvar)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ot2fF0nW8A

#6. Donnie Darko (Richard Kelly)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PUFJmsCZLE (SPOILER ALERT)

#7. Hable con ella (Pedro Almodóvar)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXvW6aLoyh8

#8. Amores perros (Alejando González Iñarritu)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XToRtfQbeHg

#9. Amelie (Jean-Pierre Jeunet)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3OYmBBpCu8

#10. Love Actually (Richard Curtis)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYCkFTyADJ0

#11. Y tu mamá también (Alfonso Cuarón)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Qg6n7V3kO4

#12. Clerks II (Kevin Smith)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLvhJ0m5ask

#13. Memento (Christopher Nolan)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vS0E9bBSL0

#14. Vicky Cristina Barcelona (Woody Allen)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39PuFOTjtk8

#15. Garden State (Zack Braff)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u82n0e1mgmQ

#16. L’auberge espagnole

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvKZs21SaTQ

#17. Los abrazos rotos (Pedro Almodóvar)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYdCSGPHHS4

#18. Volver (Pedro Almodóvar)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABSvppyQGdE

#19. Across the Universe (Julie Taymor)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43aLbo-Y_W0

Best Actor

1. Ewan McGregor, Moulin Rouge
2. Gael García Bernal, La mala educación
3. Jim Carrey, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4. Romain Duris, L’auberge espagnole
5. Jake Gyllenhall, Donnie Darko

Best Actress

1. Nicole Kidman, Moulin Rouge
2. Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
3. Penélope Cruz, Volver
4. Kate Winslet, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
5. Jennifer Aniston, The Good Girl

Best Supporting Actor

1. Anthony Rapp, Rent
2. Gael García Bernal, Amores perros
3. Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
4. Adam Pascal, Rent
5. Jason Lee, Vanilla Sky

Best Supporting Actress

1. Rosario Dawson, RENT
2. Penélope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
3. Penélope Cruz, Vanilla Sky
4. Nicole Kidman, The Hours
5. Sandra Bullock, Crash

Director

1. Pedro Almodóvar (Hable con ella, La mala educación, Volver, Los abrazos rotos)
2. Alfonso Cuarón (Y tu mamá también, Children of Men)
3. Cameron Crowe (Almost Famous, Vanilla Sky, Elizabethtown)
4. Kevin Smith (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Jersey Girl, Clerks II, Zach and Miri…)
5. Baz Luhrmann (Moulin Rouge!, Australia)

Biggest Oscar Robbery

1. Felicity Huffman for Transamerica
2. Moulin Rouge!
3. Nicole Kidman for Moulin Rouge!
4. Penélope Cruz for Volver
5. No nominations for Ewan McGregor for Moulin Rouge or RENT

mi barcelona

On Christmas morning, I woke up to fix breakfast, but then realised I didn't want to wash dishes, so I just had cereal and a café con leche. I caught Cercanías and arrived at Atocha in plenty of time to print out my ticket and try to inform myself on Puigcerdà. They had no idea. So at 12.30 I took the AVE, had a café con leche while watching Aragón whiz by me at 300 kilometres an hour. I understood the catalán on the announcements. The movie was "Noche en el museo 2" which they didn't bother to say in English when they did the announcement in English. The things I remember.

At 15.15 the train made its arrival in BCN. I informed myself best I could about Puigcerdà, then checked into my hostal and went for a looong walk along La Rambla, La Rambla del Mar, Maremagnum and to the beach. Yes, I was on the beach for Christmas. I walked back to the hostel, trying to lose myself, stopped for a gelatto and made plans to meet up with my friend Ashley. We ate at a tapas bar with free champagne and checked out a really hot boy there. Errrrr. We walked around and had some more alcohol, and I called my mom and some friends. The friends didn't answer the phone, so they missed out :p

Saturday, we went to Montserrat, a village in the mountains of Catalunya. It was beautiful. Unfortunately, it started raining so we had to go back to BCN and grab some good Chinese. I went back up to my favourite place in BCN to do some thinking, La rambla del mar...we had dinner but I was starting to feel a bit weird for some reason, worrying about money and stuff. We ended up going out to an awesome gay bar called "Bim Bam Bom" or something like that. My friend's vest was stolen, but the rest of the night was fun. I actually talked to an American, who was visiting BCN with his boyfriend. I got into DBoy, which is more or less a Catalan OHM with less shitty music. At one point, a random Catalan boy decided to introduce himself to me, "hola soy Julio" and instead of two kisses on each cheek, he elected to kiss me on the lips, then walk away. Later we talked a bit more, and he invited me to the other part of the disco...but I lost him in the crowd :( And then when I went home, they were giving out soft-core pornographic (you can't see the polla but...) calendars. Fabulous, right? I got back to the hostel about 6.30.

Sunday I slept late, got Starbucks and wandered around lost in the city for a while. I met up with my friend for lunch (yummy greasy Spanish food). Then wandered along the beach again for a while and did some thinking, which I'll write about in a sec. That night I had some yummy Basque tapas and admired an American Boy who I swear is gay. I still prefer my Spanish Boys.

Monday...Sagrada Familia. Parc Güell. Got lost in the city and went to Montjuiç. Went back to the beach. Did some thinking. Moving on from my current huge crush and realising that there are other tios out there, tios better suited for me.

After getting Subway, I caught the overnight bus back to Madrid. And here I am tired and a bit resfriado after a good weekend that gave me time for reflection.

I know what I want in life. I want a boyfriend, to fall in love and get married and have two golden retrievers. I want to stay in Spain...preferably ending up in Valencia. And I want to teach.

One day, I'm going to have an awesome boyfriend. And I know it's better to have my normal body and my great mind and personality than to have a "tabla de chocolate" and a shitty personality and no mind, ya know? But still, I yearn to be loved in the way I deserved to be loved. I just hope that my search will come to a close one day soon.

mi december

Christmas has always been an incredibly special time of year for me. I have so many memories of Christmases, and spending Christmas almost alone this year is killing me inside. Yes, I'll see a friend in Barcelona tomorrow evening, but that's almost the entire Christmas holiday alone two weeks after a birthday alone. Something has got to give.

Today, memories have been flashing back to me in a wave of melancholy. Memories of elementary school parties and high school Christmas card exchanges, when I used to like my mom's family Christmas. My mom and my tradition of having Swiss steak for dinner and opening just one present. Covering Fallon Fey in wrapping paper Christmas morning, Cinnamon rolls for breakfast. How every year I wanted snow. Some years I got it. Some years I didn't. The year of the ice storm which caused our electric to go out. We went to see The Phantom of the Opera (which ruined the musical) and stayed at a hotel on the 23rd. We got lucky and the electric came on that morning. It was a weird Christmas, and yet it was already five years ago. Growing up having to go to Kentucky for my mom's Christmas every year. Sometimes on Christmas Day. Sometimes before. Sometimes after. The one year when we went at 8 p.m. and arrived at 2 a.m. to avoid a snow storm, and the only Marathon being open between Cincinnati and Louisville. I remember hearing the new Wynonna song for the first time that night. Watching Love Actually and While You Were Sleeping every year. The wait for peppermint mocha at Starbucks. I always somehow woke up after Papa Noel came and went to look at all the presents underneath the tree. I even miss sneaking Pepsi and cookies behind my mom's back for Papa Noel. And I love getting presents, as most of us do. But that really isn't want I'm missing right now, as much as I could use a new MacBook pro underneath a tree.

I'm missing tradition. I know as we get older, traditions change. This is my second Christmas in a row away from home. Last year, it was hard, but I was also in line waiting to see Pope Homophobus MXCLII in my first midnight mass on Christmas Eve. (I'm not even sure I'm a Christian any more this year to be honest.) And I might be going to Barcelona tomorrow to be with a really good friend, but that doesn't change how lonely I am today. It doesn't erase the fact that things are changing, I'm getting older. And I know it takes time to establish myself, as I am trying to immigrate permanently to Spain.

I'm craving a relationship and maybe a family of my own. I'm now 28, and I've never had a real boyfriend. And I'm wondering if that's going to ever happen for me. Yeah, some may say I'm still young, but it is pretty damn old for someone who admitted he was gay when he was 19 to not have had one. How much do I crave making a life and traditions of my own with someone?

It hurts me to know that if I were to come out to my mom, the rejection I would face. How much it will hurt her. How even if I ever did find a boyfriend how he would not be accepted at my mom's family Christmas. And how I don't even want to go to one of her family Christmas's again after this summer when my uncle mocked me and my passion for Spain. How fragile is my self-esteem already without being told to "just go to a damn drive thru at Taco Bell if I wanted to have Spanish flavour." (I won't bother going on a rant right now about how that's not even Mexican, let alone SPANISH. In Spain, a taco is a swear word, or año, ie tengo 28 tacos.)

Reject them before they reject me. Something I've been doing ever since realising I was gay in 2001. I have constructed a pretty high wall that needs to come crumbling down, but I'm unable to do it.

On top of all of this, I have fallen for a friend who I would love to be celebrating Christmas with. Instead, I'm quite certain he's "Just not that into me" in a "more-than-friends" way. Once again, the friend and not the boyfriend. Amor no correspondido. And I ache...I don't know whether for him or the idea of him. The idea of someone. The idea of love.

I cry for all this today. Christmas can be an incredibly hard time of year. It can bring back painful memories. I always ached for something more at Christmas. A real family, not two parents who despised each other. Maybe I've always been searching for something that was never expressed to me in a proper manner my entire life, love. Unconditional love. Have I ever truly felt it?

Maybe next year at this time, I'll be in a stable relationship with an amazing guy who understands me, in a place where I'm relatively happy with myself, and I'll find the Christmas spirit that's been missing since 2007. I can feel the special feeling this time of year normally brings instead of the pain and misery it's bringing this year. This year...bah humbug.

Current Music: December Makes Me Feel This Way by Dave Koz

The Best of the 00s, Television

First of a three-part series honouring the best of this decade. And sometimes, the worst.

First, some of the most memorable television from the decade.

Julie Cooper is one of a kind.

And the world rejoiced.

How many Hail Marys does Gabrielle need to say?

Felicity Huffman in a rare non-wasted moment.

You can tell Jesus that the Bitch is back.

Don't you just hate it w hen you don't know whether you're married because the ceremony was in Spanish?

Serena killed someone!

Oh...Brenda...


Sookie and Bill know nothing about fighting compared to these two. Brenda does not like clichés.


Best moment of the 00s. Best television moment ever.

The end of Sports Night


Season 2, True Blood



Scrubs Finale



FOR THE LAST TIME TURK I'M DOMINICAN

My Old Lady


My Screwup

My Lunch

Joey and Rachel

30 Rock promos

A shame Fox pulls all Arrested Development clips. AD, the entire series.

Weeds Season 2 Finale

Dexter Season 4 Finale

Wonderfalls: Lying Pig

Samantha Jones needs no label

Eternal Flame. Ned and Olive forever!

Actor

1. Peter Krause, Six Feet Under
2. Michael C. Hall, Dexter
3. Zach Braff, Scrubs
4. Jason Bateman, Arrested Development
5. Lee Pace, Pushing Daisies

Actress

1. Felicity Huffman, Sports Night
2. Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
3. Tina Fey, 30 Rock
4. Jennifer Aniston, Friends
5. Lauren Ambrose, Six Feet Under

Supporting Actor

1. John C. McGinely, Scrubs
2. Shawn Pyform, Desperate Housewives
3. Freddy Rodriguez, Six Feet Under
4. Adam Brody, The O.C.
5. Ed Westwick, Gossip Girl

Supporting Actress

1. Rachel Griffiths, Six Feet Under
2. Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds
3. Judy Reyes, Scrubs
4. Jessica Walter, Arrested Development
5. Michelle Forbes, True Blood
6. Kim Cattrall, Sex and the City
7. Kristen Chenowith, Pushing Daisies
8. Rachel Bilson, The OC
9. Dana Delaney, Desperate Housewives

Worst Shows.

1. Grey’s Anatomy
2. American Idol
3. Glee
4. Will and Grace After Leo
5. Desperate Housewives Post Edie
Honorable Mention: Física o química

Best Shows

1. Six Feet Under
2. Scrubs (Original Version, not Scrubs: Med School)
3. True Blood
4. Sports Night
5. Arrested Development
6. Gossip Girl
7. Friends
8. Desperate Housewives (Seasons 1-5)
9. Wonderfalls
10. Dexter
11. Undeclared
12. Sex and the City
13. The O.C.
14. 30 Rock
15. Dead Like Me

mi tostada

I have retired to my local bar to leaf through my local newspapers. Breakfast is served without any words being exchanged between myself and the waiter, beyond a brisk buenos días. He knows my order. It appears automatically, the clanking, bashing, steaming and of coffee machine and plancha, the hot plate used for frying and toasting, starting as soon as I am spotted walking through the door. This can be a complex business. How do you keep your fingers clean when the toasted roll you have been given has a large pool of olive oil washing over its crusty banks? And, once the oil is on your fingers, how do you stop it sticking the pages of your newspaper together? The little, square, tissue serviettes, grabbed from the plastic container on my table, pile up in front of me. From Ghost of Spain: Travels Through a Country's Hidden Past by Giles Tremlett Copyright 2006

Growing up, I never cared much for any vegetables or things like tomatoes which appear to be vegetables but are actually fruit. I just never liked them, especially tomatoes. And the first time I was in Spain, I tried café con leche, I hated it.

When I was in Linares last year, I decided to give café con leche another shot. All those French kisses from Common Grounds must have changed my taste buds as I loved it. At my school, I ordered toast and they gave me a dish of tomato. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with it, and since I didn't like tomatoes, I just left it. A month later, I was addicted to café con leche. On an excursion to Córdoba, the tostada came with the tomate. And I tried it...with a little bit of salt and olive oil...and I immediately became addicted.

My roommate/co-auxiliar and I last year started having a tradition of going out for tostada and café con leche on the bad mornings when the teachers were isolating us and we needed internet and our landlord was being a jerk (most mornings), trying to find the best tostada in Linares. On the weekends, I would go to Il caffè di cappricio, my favourite love to hate place, to steal their wifi and eat tostada con tomate. It's addictive but healthy.

Not all tostada con tomate is created equal. Sometimes the bread isn't good. Sometimes the tomate is too thin. Or too thick. It's best when you can spread the tomato first. And it's better when you put the olive oil on before the tomato. It's not like normal tomato, almost a puré of tomate. There should be just a little bit of salt.

I don't know why, but...this stuff is amazing. Tostada con tomate con café con leche makes everything better.

mi 28th cumple

Series 28 of starts today, and we at Semana Entertainment, the fake Spanish Entertainment Weekly which publishes things like Brightside nominations, Brightside awards, and Felicity Huffman pulling herself out of the nominations because Desperate Housewives currently sucks so hard it's blowing at the same time this year, recently set down with the headwriter to discuss the 27th season and what we have to look forward to in the 28th installment.

SE: So lots of good and quite a bit of the bad this year. Let's focus on the good.
HW: Brilliant idea.

SE: So Series 27 brought us a few life goals and dreams completed. We saw Pablo sojourn to Italia and Portugal, he saw the bridge in Vigo that is the desktop background of his mother's PC for some unknown reason, he saw Alex Ubago in concert and finally saw a concert in Spain. And...he's now living in Madrid.
HW: Yes, yes he is.

SE: But still...you're worse than the produces of Will and Grace. Every season, you say you're going to cast a boyfriend, but we have yet to see one.
HW: Well, we want to make sure we cast a good one.

SE: Are there no good guys in Madrid?
HW: Um. We're seeing, we're seeing.

SE: Right.
HW: No, really. We just need to do more casting calls. There are a lot of gilipollas in the world, especially in Madrid.

SE: Fine. But let's hope the casting is sooner rather than later. What about the depression and anxiety?
HW: We hope to have that taken care of soon.

SE: Any fun trips?
HW: We're hoping for Greece for Semana Santa, and Morocco in June. Plus, we will continue our attempt to hit all 16 autonomous communities.

SE: I thought there were 17...
HW: Well, Catalunya isn't really Spain now, is it?

SE: Will that joke get old in series 28?
HW: Probably not, mate.

SE: Any other spoilers?
HW: Pablo might have a job for more than eight months! He's going to renew with this one for next year.

SE: Wow, stranger things have happened. Thanks for your time.
HW: Thanks for tuning it.